Saturn

Yes, it’s a song. A beautiful one. A masterpiece by Sleeping At Last. I’m sure that the first time I listened to this comfort song was in 2018, when I was in 11th grade. Thanks to YouTube algorithm that made me discover Saturn when I hit the lowest point in my adolescent life, and now I feel like I have the soundtrack to summarize my life up till this day, this very moment. I always think that life is scary, I don’t know what will happen in the future and I’m afraid that what I have prepared is never enough. I know many people say that we can learn from mistakes but what if I accidentally make a mistake that leaves something I don’t dare to face? What if it leaves a trauma? What if it hurts people? What if it makes me question my own existence?

There always existed what ifs in every decision I had made. And later in the future, that will always be inevitable.

But there, I found joy in my misery, eventually.

It amazes me how Ryan, the singer and the songwriter, can put the perfect words to things I have always felt but could never express. His music always hits close to home and invokes a lot of indescribable feelings in me. His choice of words to build the lyrics also give me memories of things that never happened to me and make me long for what I have never had in life. His music is like a saudade; a feeling of longing and sadness of losing but also of appreciation and gratitude to be alive to have felt it, the gift that comes in life.

Saturn taught me that I need to give myself more credit and reminded me to go easy on myself. It also helps me to remember just how good it is to be alive. This song is what home should feel like; being your mother’s warmth, your father’s arms, your friend’s laugh, your cat’s purr, your favorite place, your preferred coffee, your little secret… basically everything that makes you feel alive if it’s just trivial to you. It sounds exaggerated, I know, because I don’t always feel that way, but it is. And so ist es immer; just like it always is.

The music goes really well with the lyrics, and even if there are no vocals at some point, the instrumental really paints a picture in front of your inner eyes. It is breath-taking and melancholic. Saturn can only be described as indescribable to me. It is a darkness but also a light. It is a longing but also a contentment. It is a denial but also an acceptance. It is a grieving but also a mending. The juxtapositions show how the lyrics of Saturn are semantically interesting to feel. Listen. I will never get tired of letting people know that this song exists to mend their soul. Listen and close your eyes. Feel your heart and think about nothing but your precious life. 

You taught me the courage of stars before you left
With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite
How lights carries on endlessly even after death
And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist
I couldn’t help but ask for you to say it all again
I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen
I give anything to hear you say it one more time
That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes
With shortness of breath, I’ll try to explain the infinite
And how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

See, to be alive and to feel emotions are something that no one except you–who survives until this day–can experience. It is a rare chance to be able to live because the universe was made just to be seen by your eyes.